Anti-Paul Thurrott

Apple sells 2 million iPads, color me un-fucking-impressed.

Posted in Uncategorized by admin on June 1, 2010

Wired says:

In “less than 60 days”, Apple has shifted two million iPads. If you remember, it took just 28 days to sell the first million, so it doesn’t look like sales are slowing down much yet. In fact, it seems like Apple could have offloaded a lot more if only it could make them fast enough.

Well that sounds all fine and dandy and great, right? Apple’s iPad is a huge runaway success and everyone wants to make love to it and secretly dresses up in iPad jammies every night before going to sleep, right? Well let’s put on our detective hats and discover the truth here: that Apple is fucking stupid, the iPad is fucking lame, and Microsoft has been doing this for at least seventy decades longer and better. How do I know this to be the case? Because it always is.

The first Microsoft based tablet-PC was released in 1988 and was called the “Pencept” PC. It ran MS-DOS, and it was awesome. It was so awesome that I run one to this very day. It runs circles around and urinates all over the iPad for one serious, major, absolutely incredibly fundamental reason: it has access to a command prompt. I mean, Jésus Christös, how can Apple release a tablet device that lacks such a basic feature? Stop and think about it for a second – how many times a day do you use your computer’s command prompt? Exactly. That many.

Secondly, when you combine every single sale of every single tablet computer sold that features any product created by, sponsored by, or liked by Microsoft, the number is a lot larger than 2 million. This isn’t bias, this is just math. It makes Apple’s 2 million number seem like the height difference between a midgit and your average circus freak. And if you morons didn’t get it, here’s a hint: Microsoft is the circus freak.

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